it’s not about you

So.

Sometime in April, Killian feel asleep on the way to the grocery store and I did something very stupid: I carried him around the store in my arms while I hunched over pushing the shopping cart.

That was a VERY BIG MISTAKE. The next morning, I woke up and could hardly move. I waited it out a few days, figuring I would feel better and when I didn’t, I made an appt. with my chiropractor. She wasn’t in the office that week, so I saw someone else, who came up to adjust me. I was very out of sorts.

After that visit, I felt much better and a week later, went in to see my usual practitioner and got adjusted. I kept having pain in my arm, neck and shoulder, and was experiencing some numbness in parts of my arm. During all this, something else happened at my chiropractor’s office that I shall just describe as:

DRAMA.

So I broke up with my chiropractor. It took two months and lots of stress and no returned phone calls, but finally, that whole mess is over and settled and I never have to go back there ever, ever again. PRAISE JESUS.

I hurt my neck last week. Now keep in mind that this problem with my arm, and the numbness and the mild pain, has never really gone away. Last Monday, I was toweling off my hair after my shower and felt something in my neck go funny. Taylor was in town and I had him massage my neck a bit. Sometimes, this trick works.

But it didn’t. By Wednesday, I was in some serious pain, and could not feel two of my fingers and part of the back of my arm. I looked on yelp and found a chiropractor in my neighborhood that was well-reviewed. I called, spoke to the doctor and made an appointment. They got me in that day, took some X-rays, did some massage therapy, some ultrasound therapy, and what I think was muscle stimulation therapy with a TENS unit. I began to feel better.

Friday, I went in again for an review of my films and an actual adjustment. I received some of the same therapies I had received on Wednesday. I thought I would start to feel better. Then I woke up on Saturday morning.

I went to a conference that day, and by the after-lunch session, I was in so much pain, that I couldn’t even focus on what the presenters were saying and I was having trouble moving my head at all. Despite downing Advil, my neck hurt, my shoulders hurt, all the muscles in my back were in spasms and I was losing feeling down my left arm again. I went home, took some Extra Strength Tylenol and took to bed for a couple of hours. The pain was excruciating and completely debilitating.

I woke up, ate some protein, took some more Advil and went back to my conference for the keynote. Sunday was also very bad, but I spent as much time as I could laying down without trying to hold my head up too much. Joshua, my better half, didn’t complain and took the kids out for half the day so I could rest, even though I had been gone the whole day before.

I had another appointment this morning, and spent the entire morning until then watching the clock, hoping and praying that the chiropractor could help me. I also noticed, that in addition to my neck, shoulder and arm problems, the the uppermost rib on the right side of my chest, just underneath my collarbone, was bulging. That area is also sore and tender to the touch. I know this is all connected somehow, but I’m not sure how or what to do about it.

I told the chiropractor about how much pain I’ve been in all weekend, and he seems hopeful that this is my body getting used to the adjustment. I’m pretty skeptical. I felt like the adjustment on Friday did more harm than good. I had been feeling better, and then exponentially worse after the adjustment. I told this to him as well.

He felt my spine and my neck, and started some adjustments. I began to cry. I cried throughout the rest of my visit.

Now, I am still sore, but I am hoping that today’s adjustment will begin to help. My arm, neck and shoulder have that pins and needles feeling. Is that good? Because I know that’s the feeling I get after my foot’s been asleep, and I’m hoping that with all the numbness I’ve been experiencing, this is feeling returning to those parts of my body. If not, then I’m going to completely freak out. The rib on my chest is still bulging and is progressively more sore. I just hope that tonight I can sleep.

People, I have been in SO MUCH PAIN. I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS.

I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I can’t take a shirt off without gasping, because it hurts. I can’t pick up my children without pain - or without fear that somehow, my attempt at taking care of them is going to debilitate my body. I can’t turn my head to the left or look up without pain, and I can’t talk on the phone without using my hands. My shoulder pops almost every time I lift my arm - which is quite often, so I can shake it about in attempts to get the feeling back in it. It’s my left arm and I am left-handed.

I have been irritable and cranky and I have zero appetite. OTC pain relievers don’t seem to be helping me at all. And I’m terrified.

I’m so scared that I am never going to get better, that I am never going to heal. It’s been three months since this started and I am only getting worse. Joshua tells me that I will get better and I want to believe him but I just don’t know that I do.

When I was pregnant with Killian, and I started experiencing the pubic symphysis pain, all my health care providers told me that it was due to pregnancy hormones and that after my birth, I would begin to feel better. My (former) chiropractor told me that I had the worst case she had ever seen.

And you know what? Killian will be two years old next month and the reality of my life is that, aside from this neck pain, I have dealt with pubic bone pain EVERY DAY for the past two and a half years. That is usually mild and under the radar, as, sad to say, I’ve gotten used to pain being a part of my life. It flares up quite often and I have a bad several days, but lately, THAT has also gotten worse - two weeks ago, I couldn’t sit and last weekend, I was limping when I walked because it hurt so much.

I’m 29 years old and I’m so scared that I’m going to be a chronic pain sufferer for the rest of my life. I can’t do the things I want to do and I can’t be the mom I want to be because I am PHYSICALLY UNABLE to do things I used to take for granted - like chasing my daughter through the park, or lifting my son up to touch the ceiling. And that petrifies me.

And I haven’t written about it much on here because I feel like when I was pregnant I wrote about it SO MUCH, and in the midst of all of that, I was treated TERRIBLY by people who were supposed to love and support me, but instead tore me down during an extremely vulnerable time in my life so they could teach me some lesson. And I’ve never gotten over that. And that has kept me from continuing to write about things here.

And that adds to my fear, that if I write about how scared I am and how I feel like I’m spiraling into some black hole because of the physical pain in my body, that people will take advantage of that to make an example of me.

So there.

I said it.

And I think I’m glad I did. Clearly, I need to find a good therapist out here.

I feel like quitting.

This makes me so mad, I can hardly think straight.

Can you say “sexist?”

This is nothing but outright discrimination against women. Perhaps they should deny their husbands insurance unless they get a vasectomy, since these women are only worth insuring unless they are sterilized. Just like the drug company is only targeting Gardasil to adolescent girls when they get HPV by having SEX which usually involves SOMEONE ELSE, and more dominantly, a BOY.

OR just like all the main symptoms for heart disease we are told to look for are predominately found in men, while the symptoms women face are hardly understood or studied as much.

Or just like how women used to be diagnosed with female hysteria and subject to ridiculous, harmful, and demeaning treatments because some “had a tendency to cause trouble.”

I don’t know, or just like how women are told if they nurse their babies longer than six months they’re abusing their children.

Or how stay-at-home moms are pitted against working moms as if we’re all a different breed from each other.

Or, you know, how the rumors about the casts from Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives are always cat-fighting, but no one starts rumors about the Sopranos, because you know, women just cat-fight and men are rational.

I’m effing sick and tired of the establishment discriminating against us just for being women.

How ’bout that pay raise now?

This is ridiculous.

American is going to charge $15, ONE-WAY, to check your bag. Never mind that they just raised their ticket prices. How is a family of four supposed to fly without checking bags? I’m supposed to have everyone lug their carry-on, plus their personal bag, not to mention two car seats and a stroller, to the gate?

It would cost us $120 for our family of four, just to check our bags for a trip. Hell, I might us well just FedEx them all ahead of time. At least that way, I know they’ll get there. FedEx actually tracks your packages.

If the fuel costs are rising, then just raise the price of the ticket, again. Make everyone share the burden. It’s not like they just suddenly ran out of cargo space on all their airplanes. I’d rather know what I’m getting into ahead of time that have a bunch of fees tacked on when I get to the airport.

And the worst part? If your bag doesn’t arrive with your plane, you don’t get your money back. That’s just poor customer service - I pay you for a service, you don’t provide it, and I have no recourse. If you’re gonna charge me money to check my bag, then it had better get there. Oh right, this isn’t a customer-service improvement measure - they’re not doing a better job, now that they’re tacking on fees, to ensure more consistent service and satisfaction. They’re just watching their asses.

And because there’s so much room in the overhead bins in the cabin, this is SUCH a great idea. They should then have a rule that if the space under your seat is empty, you aren’t allowed to stow your bag in the overhead bin. People are complete hogs when it comes to getting on and off the airplane - they MUST be the first ones on so they get good overhead space and first dibs on the armrests, and they MUST be the first ones off so they can knock you in the head with their bag in their rush to get off the plane.

I appreciate the speed with which flying gets me to where I’m going, but man, I really hate flying.

This is why we’re driving next time we go to Texas.

IN THE SAME DAY:

Mary Judah ruined her brand new dress and a new shirt after I caught her marking up the entire phone book (and her dress and shirt) with a big black Sharpie. The phone book, I don’t care about, the brand new dress she’s only worn three times? Maybe a little bit.

Killian, who it seems always has a hand down the front of his pants, started pulling his penis up out of his diaper. Every time I try to stick it back in and tell him no, he thinks it’s a game. Can they stretch their penis that far to pull it up out of their diaper? YES, THEY CAN. I see unknown urine puddles on the floor in my future (all the mothers of boys reading this are now cackling evilly at me - you know who you are!!!)

I knew these things would happen, but I thought they might be staggered a little bit, you know, to at least give me a fighting chance.

This past Friday morning, I woke up, got dressed and logged onto my computer to check my e-mail. While I waited for my e-mail to download, I began to get a cup of coffee together. My daily SFGate headline news e-mail popped out at me, with this article in the subject line:

“Homeschoolers’ setback sends shockwaves through the state.”

I hadn’t even finished the article before I had received two separate phone calls from people, each with a seemingly benign, “So, how are you?” that was actually loaded to find out whether or not I had seen the article yet.

I felt utterly and completely broad-sided. I actually told that to Robin when she called at 8:30, and I think I scared her at first, judging by her startled, “what?!?” in response. I had to clarify that I hadn’t been physically broad-sided - I had yet to leave the house, after all.

We haven’t said anything publicly yet about our decision regarding our kids’ education, though a lot of people already know. We have decided to homeschool Mary Judah during the next school year, which will be her kindergarten year. Beyond that, we aren’t making any commitments (though I have to say my stubborn side is leaning toward homeschooling just to stick it to that judge!). I have been doing a lot of research and studying and talking to people and praying and evaluating and trying to figure out what it is we’re supposed to do regarding her education and the choices we want to make as we raise her the type of opportunities we want her to have in life. Same goes for Killian, and that should go without speaking, though Mary Judah’s formal education is much more imminent.

I never in a million years thought I would ever homeschool, ever. I actually said to people, “I will never homeschool my children.” Of course, that was during those light and care-free days before morning sickness, and rotund bellies, and screaming in the middle of the night as I pushed a human being out of my own body.

Then I took one look at my daughter’s face, fell hopelessly in love with her, and the seeds were planted. What can I say? I couldn’t imagine ever being separated from her. As she’s grown and I’ve gotten to know her and helped to shape her into the person she is and will become, I’ve questioned my resolute decision not to homeschool. I started asking myself, why? Well, why not?

I began reading and researching and having come to grips with the misconceptions I’ve had, and through all of that, decided to go for it. This ruling that came down late last month has infuriated me. There are so many holes in it, it’s not even funny. From the education code, to what makes a private school, to religious reasons for homeschooling, to teaching credentials, to parental rights, to the real reason for compulsory education, there are just so many things wrong with it. And I’m going to talk about all of them. That’s right. Like you thought for a second I wouldn’t.

Here’s what happened in a nutshell. If I don’t have details as accurate as I think I do, I will most certainly go back and change them:

According to the ruling, the homeschooling parents of eight children were taken to court in a child welfare case. As the case progressed, the attorney for two of the children asked to court to direct the juvenile court to order the children to enroll and attend a public or private school. The parents asserted that they had a constitutional right to homeschool their children.

The ruling states that no, parents do not have a constitutional right to oversee their children’s education at home and that according to the education code, in this particular case, the parents were not following any of the provisions allowed to educate their children.

The court then asserts that homeschooling in general cannot fall under the private school allowance in the education code, and actually goes so far as to consider the process of parents who establish private schools in their homes as a means of following the law and then teaching their children at home to being a “ruse.”

The court also states that parents who wish to teach their children at home must hold a valid credential in the grade level being taught.

From the ruling:

It is clear to us that enrollment and attendance in a public full-time day school is required by California law for minor children unless (1) the child is enrolled in a private full-time day school and actually attends that private school, (2) the child is tutored by a person holding a valid state teaching credential for the grade being taught, or (3) one of the other few statutory exemptions to compulsory public school attendance applies to the child.

Exemptions to compulsory public school education are made for, among others, children who (1) attend a private full-time day school (§ 48222) or (2) are instructed by a tutor who holds a valid state teaching credential for the grade being taught (§ 48224).

Such representation does not constitute a statement that the Los Angeles Unified School District and the Los Angeles County Office of Education knowingly gave their stamp of approval to children being deprived of an education in a public or private full-time day school setting, or by a credentialed tutor, through the ruse of enrolling them in a private school and then letting them stay home and be taught by a non-credentialed parent.

One of the issues raised about the ruling by the Homeschool Legal Defense Association is that “the decision is categorical and was not written to be limited to just the facts of this case,” which means that if the Supreme Court ratifies this ruling, it can be applied to homeschoolers across the board, not just to the people involved in the case, resulting in a benchmark case to be able to prosecute homeschooling parents across the state. Lovely. Also keep in mind that, like it or not, California is a bellwether state and the decisions made here can have dramatic impacts reverberating across the country.

Where do things stand now? From what I understand, the parents are appealing to the state’s Supreme Court. The HSLDA is getting involved, along with other homeschooling organizations, on several fronts. The gubernator has said he will support homeschooling families and said that “if the courts don’t protect parents’ rights then, as elected officials, we will.” Several state legislators have promised to introduce legislation to protect homeschooling and the California Superintendent of Public Instruction, Jack O’Connell has said he believes homeschooling in still legal in the state.

The HSLDA also has a petition you can sign to ask the Supreme Court to depublish the ruling, which would prevent in from being used as a precedent and limit its scope to the particular case.

I’ll have another post tomorrow.

That if enough parents getting angry over Hannah Montana ticket scalping could bring about investigations and legal action, then parents getting angry over the courts taking away their right to homeschool without a teaching credential could bring about positive change as well.

I mean, come on. The Hannah Freaking Montana Bill? Actually, the “Freaking” part isn’t really a part of it. I added that myself. I think it sounds better.

I’m going to be doing a series of posts (rather than one LONG post) with my thoughts on the ruling handed down by a California appellate court late last month, now that my initial anger is out of the way, so for those of you who have told me you miss “hearing my voice” on the internet - this one’s for you. Okay, not really for you. But kind of.

I’ll be giving up my nightly hot bath to do this, just so you know I MEAN IT.

If you are not bleeding, dismembered, and if no body parts are broken, please:

DO NOT INTERRUPT MY MORNING COFFEE.

Be advised that if you do, consequences could include, but are not limited to, the following: bleeding, dismemberment, or broken bones.

You have been so warned.

Simply sit down on the toilet. That’s guaranteed to get them to come running.

On Barack and Hillary:

But what worries me is that he is seen as unifying by his race while she is seen as divisive by her sex.

What worries me is that she is accused of “playing the gender card” when citing the old boys’ club, while he is seen as unifying by citing civil rights confrontations.

What worries me is that male Iowa voters were seen as gender-free when supporting their own, while female voters were seen as biased if they did and disloyal if they didn’t.

What worries me is that reporters ignore Mr. Obama’s dependence on the old — for instance, the frequent campaign comparisons to John F. Kennedy — while not challenging the slander that her progressive policies are part of the Washington status quo.

What worries me is that some women, perhaps especially younger ones, hope to deny or escape the sexual caste system; thus Iowa women over 50 and 60, who disproportionately supported Senator Clinton, proved once again that women are the one group that grows more radical with age.

Gloria Steinem on why “Woman Are Never Front-Runners” via the New York Times.

So why is the sex barrier not taken as seriously as the racial one? The reasons are as pervasive as the air we breathe: because sexism is still confused with nature as racism once was; because anything that affects males is seen as more serious than anything that affects “only” the female half of the human race; because children are still raised mostly by women (to put it mildly) so men especially tend to feel they are regressing to childhood when dealing with a powerful woman; because racism stereotyped black men as more “masculine” for so long that some white men find their presence to be masculinity-affirming (as long as there aren’t too many of them); and because there is still no “right” way to be a woman in public power without being considered a you-know-what.