it’s not about you

via sfgate.com.

Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the “meanest mom on the planet.”
After finding alcohol in her son’s car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old’s misdeed with everyone — by placing an ad in the local newspaper.

The ad reads: “OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.”

Hambleton has heard from people besides interested buyers since recently placing the ad in The Des Moines Register.

The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge says she has fielded more than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who wanted to congratulate her.

“The ad cost a fortune, but you know what? I’m telling people what happened here,” Hambleton says. “I’m not just gonna put the car for resale when there’s nothing wrong with it, except the driver made a dumb decision.

“It’s overwhelming the number of calls I’ve gotten from people saying ‘Thank you, it’s nice to see a responsible parent.’ So far there are no calls from anyone saying, ‘You’re really strict. You’re real overboard, lady.’”

The only critic is her son, who Hambleton says is “very, very unhappy” with the ad and claims the alcohol was left by a passenger.

Hambleton believes her son but has decided mercy isn’t the best policy in this case. She says she set two rules when she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always keep it locked.

The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue the ad for another week — just for the feedback.

Yesterday, Judah had a REALLY rough day. I’m not exactly sure what was going on with her, but everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, was sending her into fits of angry tears.

I picked her up from preschool yesterday, and usually, all the children are sitting on the front steps together singing a song while waiting for all the parents to arrive. When I walked up, I couldn’t see Judah, who is usually right in the middle of everyone with a huge grin on her face.

I heard her call my name but I couldn’t see her and I thought maybe something had happened. Her teachers told me that she refused to put her shoes on and that she was still inside, and that they weren’t making a big deal out of it. Confused, I went upstairs to see what was going on when Judah melted down. Apparently she didn’t want to leave her first day back to preschool. Which doesn’t surprise me, because when I dropped her off that morning, she wouldn’t even give me hugs and kisses good-bye. I think she’s four going on fourteen.

When we got home, all the way through lunch and afterward, it was the same thing. Everything sent her over the edge. I kept sending her to her room and making her sit in my comfy chair until she would calm down, only to have her melt down all over again at the next injustice of the world - Killian wanting to do what HE wanted and not what SHE wanted.

I finally made her go lie down on my bed and gave her an afghan as some covers, which, of course, she immediately threw on the floor to spite me. She screamed at me for about 20 minutes through the door, and when she finally calmed down, I went in to talk to her. I tried to ask her what was going on and why so was crying and so upset. She kept saying she just wanted to play, or just wanted to read that book, or whatever, and I told her I didn’t understand why she was crying about it all.

After a while, I told her I wanted to her lie down on my bed and rest, and maybe take a nap, and that while she did it, I wanted her to talk to Jesus and tell him how she was feeling and ask him to help her have a happy heart.

At that she began to cry again and I asked her what was wrong, and she said she couldn’t talk to Jesus because she couldn’t see the sky. I told her that she could talk to Jesus no matter where she was, and that God was everywhere. She then said that God didn’t live here and so she couldn’t talk to him. I asked her where God lived and she said, whimpering,

“God lives in Texas.”

Classic. Yeah, so I don’t really have a response for that.

So I told her again that I wanted her to talk to God, and she said she didn’t want to. So I said that was fine, and she could lie there and just listen for God to talk to her. At this I left the room and went in the kids’ room to play with Killian. After about 15 or 20 minutes, I heard her calling me. I went in to see what she needed, and she turned to me and said,

“God’s not saying anything to me.”

Because I’m procrastinating working on my novel:

Judah’s Aunt Lacey gave her a little gift when she was here in August. It’s a educational item, sort of like flash cards, but not really. It’s called something like “BrainSmart” or “I’m Smarter Than You” or “This Is To Get Me Ahead Of All The Other Kids In My Grade” or something like that. It’s a set of two flip-chart type sets of cards with a thinking activity on each side. The answers are on the following cards. It’s picture-based and Judah loves it and is pretty good at the whole thing. My dad would say it’s because she’s his granddaughter, but I’m so taking credit for this one.

Anyway, one of them shows several tools - a hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench, combination table/miter/crosscut saw, that kind of thing - and one “answer,” like a nail. It’s her job to figure out which is the right tool for the job. The set also encourages you to use the cards for other things, like asking her to name each tool.

So I did. I pointed to the picture of the hammer, and said, “Judah, what’s that called?”

“It’s called a knocking-fings.”

I tried another tactic. “What is it used for?”

“It’s for knocking fings.”

Of course.

Another card has a picture of a shoe without any shoelaces. I asked her, “What is this shoe missing, Judah?”

“The other shoe,” she replied.

Technically, she’s correct. You can’t pull one over on my child, I tell ya. She’s gonna tell you how the cow eats the cabbage.

Hello kristen
get rid of that self-esteem once and for all.

That pesky self-esteem - it’s been giving me SO MANY PROBLEMS.

via sfgate.

Signed by “God,” the response filed Wednesday argues the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction over God.

Blaming the Almighty for human oppression and suffering misses an important point, it says.

“I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you,” according to the response, as read by Friend.

St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

And people say Christians have no sense of humor.

You heard that Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers has decided to sue God, haven’t you? I know, you think it would be an Onion article, but this guy is for real.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused “fearsome floods … horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes.”

A commenter on a news site said it best: “Where’s God gonna find a lawyer? You know there aren’t any in Heaven…”

Priceless.

Tired of Being Hassled by your Stupid Parents?

ACT NOW!

Move Out, Get a Job, Pay Your Own Bills While You Still Know Everything!

This was written in pencil in my mother’s handwriting on the back of a floor plan from my high school. You think she was a wee bit frustrated with her brood, perhaps?

In June, my dad gave me a bunch of my old school papers and things and I’m just now getting around to sorting them. I’ve found all my report cards from preschool through fifth grade, most of the rest through high school, and stories written for class (some with my name spelled in different ways - I was trying things out, you know) and filed in a Return of the Jedi folder that was apparently bought at Target, on clearance for 15 cents.

Next I’ll post the commentary from my preschool teacher, Mrs. Curry.

Wow. I haven’t changed much.

So a couple of weeks ago Judah decided to tell us a bedtime story. It goes exactly as follows:

“Once upon a time, there were a lot of fives. That’s for we do that, together. OK. Goodnight. Goodbye.”

Last night, while I was in the living room nursing Killian, Joshua was trying to get Judah ready for bed, and I heard this exchange take place:

Judah, highly excited: “Daddy, look! I found this - I found this book today! I found it!”
Daddy, very curious: “Where did you find it?”
Judah, still highly excited: “On my bookcase!”
Daddy, not so much excited: “That’s fantastic. Now put it away.”

Best quote from this weekend:

We had most of our family in town for Killian’s first birthday party and baby dedication this past weekend, although his official birthday isn’t until tomorrow (tomorrow!!), this past weekend was the best one for some family members. Saturday night we were all trying to find a place we could all eat at.

Together.
All 11 of us.
At 7 p.m.
On a Saturday.
With no reservations.
In the Haight.
Right….

Everyone was congregated in front of Memphis Minnie’s, trying to decide what to do - should we stay or should we go? - and I went up and down the block peeking into restaurants to see if any place could seat all us right then. I called Wiff to report I had a found a Thai place that looked nice and affordable and had plenty of room, and heard him ask around to the rest of group, “How’s Thai food sound.” My sister responded with, “I don’t like Chinese.”

D’oh! I crack up every time I think about it.

Second best quote, and I wasn’t even there, was Saturday morning as Joshua was taking Lacey, Katie and Josh across the Golden Gate Bridge to pick up Brad. They were stopped at a light at Fulton and the Great Highway, when the light turned green and Joshua pulled out a little bit, only to stop for the pedestrians crossing the street… you see where this is going? Yeah. Well the guy behind them didn’t stop and plowed into the back of our car, breaking a tail light, the bumper, and denting the back door.

They all agreed not to tell me what happened until after the party, knowing, of course, I was already going to be a stress puppy and not wanting to add another layer right before 30 people showed up to my house.

Lacey said something along the lines of, “And definitely don’t tell her until she’s frosted the cake.”

And once you see a picture of this cake, you will understand why. Speaking of, I’ve got to clear some space off of my computer before I can load any more pictures, so the photoblog is on a necessary hiatus for right now. Sorry. I’m working on it….