it’s not about you

So there I was, having a sweet little moment with my boy - lying on the bed with Killian, singing songs with him as he played with his feet to get him settled down in order to go to sleep, when Joshua walked in the room with Killian’s milk cup.

Killian smiled contentedly, said “bauk,” and reached for the cup, when we all noticed a bit of milk spill onto his shirt. As Joshua handed the cup over to Killian, the entire contents of the cup hit my baby boy right in THE FACE. Apparently, Joshua forgot to screw on the lid.

It took all three of us a full few seconds to figure out what it the world had just happened - did my husband REALLY throw a cup of milk in our son’s face? And for the love of all things good - WHY? Confess, Child! Confess!

Of course, Killian started screaming bloody murder - that’s COLD MILK! ON HIS FACE! I handed him over to his father who took him to the bathroom, stripped him down and started running him a bath. He was completely covered in milk. Then I started stripping all his sheets. It got EVERYWHERE.

You know how a tablespoon of liquid seems to spread out and get everywhere? Try a whole cup. On your son’s face. I think I’ll get his milk from now on.

So.

Sometime in April, Killian feel asleep on the way to the grocery store and I did something very stupid: I carried him around the store in my arms while I hunched over pushing the shopping cart.

That was a VERY BIG MISTAKE. The next morning, I woke up and could hardly move. I waited it out a few days, figuring I would feel better and when I didn’t, I made an appt. with my chiropractor. She wasn’t in the office that week, so I saw someone else, who came up to adjust me. I was very out of sorts.

After that visit, I felt much better and a week later, went in to see my usual practitioner and got adjusted. I kept having pain in my arm, neck and shoulder, and was experiencing some numbness in parts of my arm. During all this, something else happened at my chiropractor’s office that I shall just describe as:

DRAMA.

So I broke up with my chiropractor. It took two months and lots of stress and no returned phone calls, but finally, that whole mess is over and settled and I never have to go back there ever, ever again. PRAISE JESUS.

I hurt my neck last week. Now keep in mind that this problem with my arm, and the numbness and the mild pain, has never really gone away. Last Monday, I was toweling off my hair after my shower and felt something in my neck go funny. Taylor was in town and I had him massage my neck a bit. Sometimes, this trick works.

But it didn’t. By Wednesday, I was in some serious pain, and could not feel two of my fingers and part of the back of my arm. I looked on yelp and found a chiropractor in my neighborhood that was well-reviewed. I called, spoke to the doctor and made an appointment. They got me in that day, took some X-rays, did some massage therapy, some ultrasound therapy, and what I think was muscle stimulation therapy with a TENS unit. I began to feel better.

Friday, I went in again for an review of my films and an actual adjustment. I received some of the same therapies I had received on Wednesday. I thought I would start to feel better. Then I woke up on Saturday morning.

I went to a conference that day, and by the after-lunch session, I was in so much pain, that I couldn’t even focus on what the presenters were saying and I was having trouble moving my head at all. Despite downing Advil, my neck hurt, my shoulders hurt, all the muscles in my back were in spasms and I was losing feeling down my left arm again. I went home, took some Extra Strength Tylenol and took to bed for a couple of hours. The pain was excruciating and completely debilitating.

I woke up, ate some protein, took some more Advil and went back to my conference for the keynote. Sunday was also very bad, but I spent as much time as I could laying down without trying to hold my head up too much. Joshua, my better half, didn’t complain and took the kids out for half the day so I could rest, even though I had been gone the whole day before.

I had another appointment this morning, and spent the entire morning until then watching the clock, hoping and praying that the chiropractor could help me. I also noticed, that in addition to my neck, shoulder and arm problems, the the uppermost rib on the right side of my chest, just underneath my collarbone, was bulging. That area is also sore and tender to the touch. I know this is all connected somehow, but I’m not sure how or what to do about it.

I told the chiropractor about how much pain I’ve been in all weekend, and he seems hopeful that this is my body getting used to the adjustment. I’m pretty skeptical. I felt like the adjustment on Friday did more harm than good. I had been feeling better, and then exponentially worse after the adjustment. I told this to him as well.

He felt my spine and my neck, and started some adjustments. I began to cry. I cried throughout the rest of my visit.

Now, I am still sore, but I am hoping that today’s adjustment will begin to help. My arm, neck and shoulder have that pins and needles feeling. Is that good? Because I know that’s the feeling I get after my foot’s been asleep, and I’m hoping that with all the numbness I’ve been experiencing, this is feeling returning to those parts of my body. If not, then I’m going to completely freak out. The rib on my chest is still bulging and is progressively more sore. I just hope that tonight I can sleep.

People, I have been in SO MUCH PAIN. I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS.

I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I can’t take a shirt off without gasping, because it hurts. I can’t pick up my children without pain - or without fear that somehow, my attempt at taking care of them is going to debilitate my body. I can’t turn my head to the left or look up without pain, and I can’t talk on the phone without using my hands. My shoulder pops almost every time I lift my arm - which is quite often, so I can shake it about in attempts to get the feeling back in it. It’s my left arm and I am left-handed.

I have been irritable and cranky and I have zero appetite. OTC pain relievers don’t seem to be helping me at all. And I’m terrified.

I’m so scared that I am never going to get better, that I am never going to heal. It’s been three months since this started and I am only getting worse. Joshua tells me that I will get better and I want to believe him but I just don’t know that I do.

When I was pregnant with Killian, and I started experiencing the pubic symphysis pain, all my health care providers told me that it was due to pregnancy hormones and that after my birth, I would begin to feel better. My (former) chiropractor told me that I had the worst case she had ever seen.

And you know what? Killian will be two years old next month and the reality of my life is that, aside from this neck pain, I have dealt with pubic bone pain EVERY DAY for the past two and a half years. That is usually mild and under the radar, as, sad to say, I’ve gotten used to pain being a part of my life. It flares up quite often and I have a bad several days, but lately, THAT has also gotten worse - two weeks ago, I couldn’t sit and last weekend, I was limping when I walked because it hurt so much.

I’m 29 years old and I’m so scared that I’m going to be a chronic pain sufferer for the rest of my life. I can’t do the things I want to do and I can’t be the mom I want to be because I am PHYSICALLY UNABLE to do things I used to take for granted - like chasing my daughter through the park, or lifting my son up to touch the ceiling. And that petrifies me.

And I haven’t written about it much on here because I feel like when I was pregnant I wrote about it SO MUCH, and in the midst of all of that, I was treated TERRIBLY by people who were supposed to love and support me, but instead tore me down during an extremely vulnerable time in my life so they could teach me some lesson. And I’ve never gotten over that. And that has kept me from continuing to write about things here.

And that adds to my fear, that if I write about how scared I am and how I feel like I’m spiraling into some black hole because of the physical pain in my body, that people will take advantage of that to make an example of me.

So there.

I said it.

And I think I’m glad I did. Clearly, I need to find a good therapist out here.

If a four-year-old is running, falls and scrapes her ankle on the sidewalk, tearing off a pretty good chunk of skin, how many band-aids will she put on it until it heals?

If a toddler drops his full, seven-ounce milk cup from the seat of the shopping cart for sport, how big of a bruise will it leave on mommy’s foot just under her toes? Will she be able to wear flip-flops?

If a four-year-old “accidentally” knocks over her bowl full of milk from breakfast, and the milk covers an area of roughly 16 to 20 square feet, plus the table, chair, cushion, and said four-year-old, how many applesauce splatters that you missed from the day before will you then find?

If a 21-month-old drops four ounces of applesauce from a height of three-and-a-half-feet, and it splatters in an arc all over the floor, table, and wall, exactly how long will it take to clean up?

IN THE SAME DAY:

Mary Judah ruined her brand new dress and a new shirt after I caught her marking up the entire phone book (and her dress and shirt) with a big black Sharpie. The phone book, I don’t care about, the brand new dress she’s only worn three times? Maybe a little bit.

Killian, who it seems always has a hand down the front of his pants, started pulling his penis up out of his diaper. Every time I try to stick it back in and tell him no, he thinks it’s a game. Can they stretch their penis that far to pull it up out of their diaper? YES, THEY CAN. I see unknown urine puddles on the floor in my future (all the mothers of boys reading this are now cackling evilly at me - you know who you are!!!)

I knew these things would happen, but I thought they might be staggered a little bit, you know, to at least give me a fighting chance.

That sweet little baby has turned into a sweet little girl, and believe me, there are days when I want to glue a bucket to her head just to muffle the whining, and then position her so that she’ll walk blindly into a wall, but on days like today, I understand that she is and always will be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

via dooce.

Mary Judah’s preschool went on a field trip to Harley Farms down in Pescadero today. I am EXHAUSTED. Tonight, I had a sub-committee meeting at my house for the church Steering Committee, and the last person just left five minutes ago.

Mary Judah was very excited about taking her camera to the goat farm this morning and the first thing she did when we got there was whip it out and take pictures. She took pictures the whole time we were there. When Joshua got home from work tonight, she showed him all the pictures from her camera. Somehow, Killian got ahold of it and started pushing buttons (Joshua just informed me that Mary judah handed Killian her camera). When Mary Judah went to show our friend Nick the photos she’d taken today, none of them appeared. Apparently, Killian had been deleting photos the entire time he was pushing buttons.

I feel like crying about it, and boy howdy, have we had enough of that around here. All of those photos she worked so hard to get - GONE. And I can’t pay six bucks and just go get another one. I feel SO BAD. She was so thrilled about her photos and now they’re GONE GONE GONE.

In other news, I’m teaching her that when she tells people, “My mom is going to homeschool me” she needs to add, “and we’re sticking it to the man.”

That’s my girl.

This past Friday morning, I woke up, got dressed and logged onto my computer to check my e-mail. While I waited for my e-mail to download, I began to get a cup of coffee together. My daily SFGate headline news e-mail popped out at me, with this article in the subject line:

“Homeschoolers’ setback sends shockwaves through the state.”

I hadn’t even finished the article before I had received two separate phone calls from people, each with a seemingly benign, “So, how are you?” that was actually loaded to find out whether or not I had seen the article yet.

I felt utterly and completely broad-sided. I actually told that to Robin when she called at 8:30, and I think I scared her at first, judging by her startled, “what?!?” in response. I had to clarify that I hadn’t been physically broad-sided - I had yet to leave the house, after all.

We haven’t said anything publicly yet about our decision regarding our kids’ education, though a lot of people already know. We have decided to homeschool Mary Judah during the next school year, which will be her kindergarten year. Beyond that, we aren’t making any commitments (though I have to say my stubborn side is leaning toward homeschooling just to stick it to that judge!). I have been doing a lot of research and studying and talking to people and praying and evaluating and trying to figure out what it is we’re supposed to do regarding her education and the choices we want to make as we raise her the type of opportunities we want her to have in life. Same goes for Killian, and that should go without speaking, though Mary Judah’s formal education is much more imminent.

I never in a million years thought I would ever homeschool, ever. I actually said to people, “I will never homeschool my children.” Of course, that was during those light and care-free days before morning sickness, and rotund bellies, and screaming in the middle of the night as I pushed a human being out of my own body.

Then I took one look at my daughter’s face, fell hopelessly in love with her, and the seeds were planted. What can I say? I couldn’t imagine ever being separated from her. As she’s grown and I’ve gotten to know her and helped to shape her into the person she is and will become, I’ve questioned my resolute decision not to homeschool. I started asking myself, why? Well, why not?

I began reading and researching and having come to grips with the misconceptions I’ve had, and through all of that, decided to go for it. This ruling that came down late last month has infuriated me. There are so many holes in it, it’s not even funny. From the education code, to what makes a private school, to religious reasons for homeschooling, to teaching credentials, to parental rights, to the real reason for compulsory education, there are just so many things wrong with it. And I’m going to talk about all of them. That’s right. Like you thought for a second I wouldn’t.

Here’s what happened in a nutshell. If I don’t have details as accurate as I think I do, I will most certainly go back and change them:

According to the ruling, the homeschooling parents of eight children were taken to court in a child welfare case. As the case progressed, the attorney for two of the children asked to court to direct the juvenile court to order the children to enroll and attend a public or private school. The parents asserted that they had a constitutional right to homeschool their children.

The ruling states that no, parents do not have a constitutional right to oversee their children’s education at home and that according to the education code, in this particular case, the parents were not following any of the provisions allowed to educate their children.

The court then asserts that homeschooling in general cannot fall under the private school allowance in the education code, and actually goes so far as to consider the process of parents who establish private schools in their homes as a means of following the law and then teaching their children at home to being a “ruse.”

The court also states that parents who wish to teach their children at home must hold a valid credential in the grade level being taught.

From the ruling:

It is clear to us that enrollment and attendance in a public full-time day school is required by California law for minor children unless (1) the child is enrolled in a private full-time day school and actually attends that private school, (2) the child is tutored by a person holding a valid state teaching credential for the grade being taught, or (3) one of the other few statutory exemptions to compulsory public school attendance applies to the child.

Exemptions to compulsory public school education are made for, among others, children who (1) attend a private full-time day school (§ 48222) or (2) are instructed by a tutor who holds a valid state teaching credential for the grade being taught (§ 48224).

Such representation does not constitute a statement that the Los Angeles Unified School District and the Los Angeles County Office of Education knowingly gave their stamp of approval to children being deprived of an education in a public or private full-time day school setting, or by a credentialed tutor, through the ruse of enrolling them in a private school and then letting them stay home and be taught by a non-credentialed parent.

One of the issues raised about the ruling by the Homeschool Legal Defense Association is that “the decision is categorical and was not written to be limited to just the facts of this case,” which means that if the Supreme Court ratifies this ruling, it can be applied to homeschoolers across the board, not just to the people involved in the case, resulting in a benchmark case to be able to prosecute homeschooling parents across the state. Lovely. Also keep in mind that, like it or not, California is a bellwether state and the decisions made here can have dramatic impacts reverberating across the country.

Where do things stand now? From what I understand, the parents are appealing to the state’s Supreme Court. The HSLDA is getting involved, along with other homeschooling organizations, on several fronts. The gubernator has said he will support homeschooling families and said that “if the courts don’t protect parents’ rights then, as elected officials, we will.” Several state legislators have promised to introduce legislation to protect homeschooling and the California Superintendent of Public Instruction, Jack O’Connell has said he believes homeschooling in still legal in the state.

The HSLDA also has a petition you can sign to ask the Supreme Court to depublish the ruling, which would prevent in from being used as a precedent and limit its scope to the particular case.

I’ll have another post tomorrow.

That if enough parents getting angry over Hannah Montana ticket scalping could bring about investigations and legal action, then parents getting angry over the courts taking away their right to homeschool without a teaching credential could bring about positive change as well.

I mean, come on. The Hannah Freaking Montana Bill? Actually, the “Freaking” part isn’t really a part of it. I added that myself. I think it sounds better.

I’m going to be doing a series of posts (rather than one LONG post) with my thoughts on the ruling handed down by a California appellate court late last month, now that my initial anger is out of the way, so for those of you who have told me you miss “hearing my voice” on the internet - this one’s for you. Okay, not really for you. But kind of.

I’ll be giving up my nightly hot bath to do this, just so you know I MEAN IT.

We had big plans for this weekend, what with the extra day off and all. Everything started off with a bang on Friday night. I was reading a book to Judah and Joshua and Killian were chasing each other in the back. I heard Killian fall and then heard him scream. He apparently went face first onto the floor and busted his lip pretty bad. I got some ice for him and Joshua held him while I applied ice to his mouth. He didn’t like that at all.

After a few moments, I got a look inside his mouth and noticed that not only was he bleeding from the lip, but that he was bleeding from the gums right where one of his upper teeth was. I also noticed that it looked like the tooth had been pushed back - it wasn’t lined up with the other one - and I wiggled it. It felt loose.

I called the kids’ dentist, who’s a really nice man and as far as I can tell, a good dentist. He told me to take my thumb and push his tooth back into place for a good ten seconds, and that Killian wasn’t going to like it one bit. He said the tooth would either be fine or it could discolor and/or die and then we would have to take steps depending on the severity of the injury. We’re supposed to monitor his tooth over the next month to see it turns a brown or grey color and if it looks like there is any infection in the root. He told us what to look for. So that was that. Killian woke up Saturday morning, looking like he’d had a bout with Rocky around the mouth. Despite pushing on his tooth - and he wasn’t thrilled about that - it remains further back that the other one.

We also decided to switch rooms with the kids since we had the bigger room and they had the smaller one. We never use our room during the day, but I am constantly in the kids’ room all day, as that’s where they spend most of their time playing. Once a few buckets of toys are spilled out, it gets kind of cramped.

We had thought about using the whole three days to slowly transfer everything over, but once we got started, we had everything moved by the time the kids went to bed on Saturday. We’re still tweaking the arrangement of the furniture, but so far, this is going to work out much better.

Having all the major furniture switched on Saturday turned out to be a huge blessing, because Judah woke us up, and by “us” I mean Joshua, at 1:30 Sunday morning with a 102 degree fever and spent the rest of the night and the next day in our bed. She was feeling pretty wimpy. I stayed home from church and took care of her.

Joshua decided to sleep with Killian last night to give Judah and me more room in the bed. I wanted her close by in case she got sicker during the night. I was awakened at 2 a.m. by Joshua calling for help because Killian had thrown up all over himself, Joshua, and the bed. I sat with Killian in the bathroom, stripping him of his puke-covered clothes, while Joshua stripped and changed the bed and got himself new pajamas. No sooner than they got settled back down in bed together, than Killian threw up again, hitting not only the towel Joshua had laid down, but Joshua and the sheets and himself again. So we got up again and stripped everything and changed everything.

Judah decided to take that moment to fully wake up and say she was hungry. She kept puppy-dogging me and I had to keep sending her back to bed. I took her temperature, which was spiking, and gave her a dose of Tylenol. Everyone crawled back into their beds. There’s something about sleeping with a feverish preschooler - she wants to sleep ON TOP OF YOU. Then, when she rolls over, she takes all that great heat with her, so you’re left shivering from the difference. Judah didn’t sleep much after all of that, and about an hour later, woke up from a half-doze and suddenly popped off the bed, announcing, “I’m going to get some breakfast!” she was halfway out the bedroom door before I could get her to crawl back in bed.

Killian came toddling in at five a.m., and crawled in bed with me, laying his head down on my chest. I thought it was sweet, until he started lifting up my shirt, looking for a snack. I refused to nurse him, due to the vomiting, and he screamed bloody murder for a while as Joshua padded in and extracted him, taking him back to their room. Of course, Judah thought this meant she could get up and declared, “I want a hot dog for breakfast!” I made her lie back down.

We managed to keep the kids in their rooms until about 8:15 this morning, when I told Judah she could go play quietly in her room for a little while. Shortly after, Killian came toddling into our room again and I decided to see if he could nurse and keep it down. Joshua headed off to the kitchen to make some breakfast and to START THE COFFEE, and as soon as he turned the corner, I heard him holler.

Apparently, ants had found their way into the kitchen through a crack along the window and a thick black line of ants was snaking its way down the frame, across the backsplash and across the counter, and swarming all over the compost bowl, which we had forgotten to take out the night before.

While Joshua was wiping ants and trying to deal the with compost, I was standing next to him, holding Killian in my arms and watching, when - you guessed it - Killian hurled all over me. So there’s Joshua, his hands thick with ants, trying vainly to contain them as they are quickly spreading across the counter, and me, covered in vomit from shoulders to feet, trying vainly to catch everything with my hands.

After the ants had been vanquished and Killian had been bathed, and I had changed clothes and we both stood there with a cup of coffee in our hands and two full loads of vomit-soaked laundry in the hall, while Joshua made oatmeal, I asked him “Aren’t you glad you have this three day weekend, so you can kick back, take it easy, and just relax a little bit?”

Sometimes you just have to make a choice to laugh.