I almost hyperventilated tonight. Except no one noticed it but me.
I had a memory pop into my mind of my elementary school years. I was in music class in the third grade on the stage in the cafeteria/auditorium with the accordion divider pulled shut to form a classroom, and my class was singing posada Christmas music, in preparation for some school concert, I’m sure. I could smell the room and the furniture, and the other students in their sweaters, and the heater coming from the vents, because even in Houston, after all - it WAS fall.
My adult self was transported back to the couch, where I sat, rocking back and forth in my mind from the memory, and wondering if I was somehow cheating Mary Judah out of certain experiences because I have chosen to homeschool her.
It’s incredibly amazing how much guilt one can rack oneself with at the mere thought of not doing right by one’s child. Of somehow managing to completely screw up one’s children because of choices one made for them as a parent.
I wondered if I am ruining Mary Judah’s life because I have not put her in public school with most of her peers. Is this a selfish choice I have made? Perhaps this is brought to the forefront of my mind because today is the last. official. day. to register one’s private school with the state, and my paperwork has been filed, received, and printed for my own record-keeping. We are officially, official Homeschoolers, with a capital “H.”
Perhaps I have these thoughts because being officially official scares the living shit out of me. I never planned on making this choice. I never planned on being so committed to this. I said I would never do this.
Never say never, obviously.
But as for ruining my child…
I had a pretty good childhood, overall. Really. It had its moments of playground torture, but for the most part, I received a good education, had loving parents who looked out for my best interests, had good teachers, a radius of family members, a safe neighborhood, a traditional church environment, and - let’s be honest - a solid, suburban, middle-class upbringing. I don’t remember having lived in a house my parents did not own, ever (we moved once, my entire childhood).
And I don’t regret that at all.
But the reality is that that is not the path I have laid out for my children. We live in an incredibly urban environment, separated from family by drastic measures, we participate in house church and global community, have moved seven times in seven years and always rented, and I have rejected, in one way or another, the way I was brought up. Let me be clear: I have not rejected them out of spite or rebellion, but I have rejected them by means of having not chosen them for the way I live my adult life and raise my children; by means of having chosen something different.
This does not mean that I turn my back on how I was raised, but simply that I am not raising my children the same way; in the same environment.
I must remember this when I am tempted to think that I am failing my children. I am not failing them. I am choosing a different path - not one how I was raised, but one how I choose to raise my own. And I must trust that I am doing what is right by them, and what is right by me.
hugs. for what it’s worth, i’ve always admired you guys and the choices you’ve made. they’ve always been well thought out, never reactionary. i don’t think these choices will screw up your kids any worse than your parents choices screwed you up.
there’s no perfect or right choice with life, kids, etc. just the best choice at the time.
ditto every bit of what QBert has said. it is scary trekking a not-so-well-laid-out path. but you are an inspiration to us Kristen. we love you. your kids will become your peers some day and they will thank you for who you are.
Okay, so we basically had similar upbringings. And now, I am choosing to bring my children up pretty much the same way - we live in a lovely neighborhood, in a house that we (or the bank) own, they ride their bikes down the street, and we go to a traditional church. Why, then, did I not decide to put them in a traditional school? I have no reason other than God made it clear that homeschooling was the right choice for us.
I cannot tell you how encouraging it is to see someone else as determined and scared to embark on this journey as I am. This is our second year and 9 days out of 10, I LOVE homeschooling. But those doubts creep up and haunt me on a regular basis. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone.
I’ve thought about the upbringing of children a lot, as we still don’t have any younglings, and I absorb everything my friends say about their experiences. I think about my experience and while my ups and downs were related more to my parents being dorks (divorcing and remarrying and over again), I had a great time in the suburbs, got a great education, got to be in band, etc.
I consider homeschooling every time I see the public system fall a little more apart and I still don’t have any idea where my kids would end up.
That said, I don’t think it’s possible you could ruin your kids. Every time you talk about them, they sound amazing, and I would LOVE to have kids like yours, a family like that. You’re an amazing mom. And what you’ve chosen is what I think is very relevant to now. Choosing what you had as a kid wouldn’t equate to your childhood because times are so different now, they just wouldn’t line up. Things are just plain different. Your kids are very happy from everything you write, so I think you’re doing a good job.
my brother and i greatly credit our little hippy Montessori elementary school and our awesome parents with how we turned out, and i think your homeschooling will provide a similarly strong base for a creative and inquisitive child. i think since you’ve also been doing a good job having your kids meet and play with other kids, that’s really great. i think it’s when kids get too isolated that homeschooling seems more problematic. but yours are obviously getting a lot of great interaction with all different folks and little kids!
though we went to the little tiny elementary school, i went on to public high school and that worked out ok, and my brother went to catholic high school, and that worked out ok, so you can always decide for your kids to go to other types of schooling later on.
yer kids are gonna be great. they’ll be simultaneously more worldly, well-spoken and well-read than their friends and yet still allowed to be children - less jaded. we haven’t regretted a single day although sometimes i have flashes of mild regret. but then i hear about cattle calls in the school auditorium and f***ing tests that test nothing but how well they can test and I don’t doubt for a second. our kiddoes get music class listening to our friends playing music in the living room. and listen in on the most amazing stories from travelers who stay with us.
i could go on. best. decision. ever. at least for us.
I understand all of those feelings but as a homeschooling mom (our 5th year) I would say that rather than looking at what they are missing, I consider what they aren’t. You can never replace time spent with you, building your relationship, discipling and teaching with anything else. Remember that you are giving them an amazing gift, yourself. Blessings in your journey.