We’ve treated people childishly for far too long.
A middle-aged person with whom I am acquainted was offended by a twenty-something’s comment in a news article about people losing their homes. The twenty-something had basically surmised that the people who are losing their homes or going bankrupt are doing so because they didn’t manage their money well.
This older person, whose family has been through the wringer with large and unforeseen medical bills, took great offense to the comment. Now, while not everyone who has lost their home or had to declare bankruptcy has done so because of poor financial choices, I’m willing to bet the majority has. This is not a judgment, just an observation. The people of our country lately have been horrible managers of money, from the individual level all the way to Wall Street. And it’s blown up in our faces.
However, rather than counter the holes in the twenty-something’s statement, this older person’s response was to say, “What does a 24-year-old know about anything?”
This drives me nuts! Sure, the original statement had problems, and sure, it was painted with too broad a brush, and sure, it was a little arrogant, but the age of the person saying it has nothing to do with any of those things! I’ve heard people twice that age say plenty of stupid things. There are many 24-year-olds who know quite a bit about money, and could say lots of spot-on things about the current recession.
The idea that you have to be older to have life experience or wisdom is horribly misplaced.
People talk about early-twenty-something celebrities all the time and refer to them as “just babies” or “children.” I’m sorry, but when I was Lindsay Lohan’s age, I was married and pregnant with my first child. I was not “just a baby” or “young;” I was a full-fledged adult with all the rights and responsibilities that come along with adulthood.
“You’re just XX-years-old, what do you know?” In some cases, quite a lot. At 8; I knew the pain of leaving friends and moving, at 9, I learned about death when my step-grandfather passed away; At 14, I learned that cancer is closer than you think; and at 18, I lost my own mother. My younger sister was 15 when our mom died; she had to learn some of life’s painful lessons even sooner than I did.
I have young children (though they grow older every day!). Having babies and toddlers is HARD. There are days you want to chuck it all, run away and change your identity so no one can find you (or is that just me?).
When people dismiss what you are going through by saying things like, “That’s nothing, you just wait until they’re teenagers!” they don’t do anything to help. Just because my kids aren’t teenagers doesn’t mean what I am going through is any less valid than someone else.
I’m not saying this to garner pity, but to make a point.
Adults dismiss teen break-ups as “puppy love.” It might be puppy love, but as my friend Brent says, the puppy love is real and age-appropriate to the puppies. Same thing goes for telling them “just wait until you get into the real world.” Umm, high school IS a teenager’s real world, with all the social and developmental experiences and problems that come with it.
We expect our children to put up with bullies in school and on the playground, with the idea that they need this as preparation for the other, “real” world, while we as adults have the maturity, skills, resources, and laws in place to prevent harassment and physical violence. “It’s just a little teasing,” they’re told. I don’t think so. It’s real to the child, and it hurts, and can create lifelong problems. Think of all the therapy bills we’ll prevent later!
We baby talk to and water down what we tell and explain to our kids because “they’re too young to understand.” Kids understand and discern a lot more than we give them credit for, and have much more complex thoughts and feelings than we want to believe. Sure, there are things that are developmentally- and age-appropriate, and there are things that should be saved for a later time, but we need to find ways to talk about things with our children that honor their intelligence, respect their God-given humanity, and develop their compassion.
I hope, that as I get older, I don’t lose sight of that. I try to remember this when Mary Judah gets frustrated to the point of tears over something that seems trivial or silly to me. It still matters to her, or she wouldn’t be crying. It’s a big deal to her, and while I need to teach and model to both of my children appropriate WAYS of handling situations (being angry is OK, hitting your sister or screaming at your mother is not), I don’t want to diminish what they are going through. I see this happen all the time to people of all ages - I’m 30 and and am STILL called a baby! - and don’t want to be one of the perpetuators.
Perhaps we all need to grow up a little.