it’s not about you

If a four-year-old is running, falls and scrapes her ankle on the sidewalk, tearing off a pretty good chunk of skin, how many band-aids will she put on it until it heals?

If a toddler drops his full, seven-ounce milk cup from the seat of the shopping cart for sport, how big of a bruise will it leave on mommy’s foot just under her toes? Will she be able to wear flip-flops?

If a four-year-old “accidentally” knocks over her bowl full of milk from breakfast, and the milk covers an area of roughly 16 to 20 square feet, plus the table, chair, cushion, and said four-year-old, how many applesauce splatters that you missed from the day before will you then find?

If a 21-month-old drops four ounces of applesauce from a height of three-and-a-half-feet, and it splatters in an arc all over the floor, table, and wall, exactly how long will it take to clean up?

If you’re gonna eat meat, don’t be a pussy.

link.

this one’s good.

Lauren’s a vegetarian. I’m not. I have been, periodically, and I don’t eat much meat anyway - mostly chicken, hardly ever beef. I gave up meat for Lent this year, which meant my family also gave up meat by default, since I’m the one who does virtually all the shopping and cooking.

Found this photoset from my husband’s blog, and had to post. Enjoy!

Anyone up for a bacon bar?

IN THE SAME DAY:

Mary Judah ruined her brand new dress and a new shirt after I caught her marking up the entire phone book (and her dress and shirt) with a big black Sharpie. The phone book, I don’t care about, the brand new dress she’s only worn three times? Maybe a little bit.

Killian, who it seems always has a hand down the front of his pants, started pulling his penis up out of his diaper. Every time I try to stick it back in and tell him no, he thinks it’s a game. Can they stretch their penis that far to pull it up out of their diaper? YES, THEY CAN. I see unknown urine puddles on the floor in my future (all the mothers of boys reading this are now cackling evilly at me - you know who you are!!!)

I knew these things would happen, but I thought they might be staggered a little bit, you know, to at least give me a fighting chance.

That sweet little baby has turned into a sweet little girl, and believe me, there are days when I want to glue a bucket to her head just to muffle the whining, and then position her so that she’ll walk blindly into a wall, but on days like today, I understand that she is and always will be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

via dooce.