it’s not about you

One Joshua and I made up:
Correctly guess what’s going to happen before it happens. Make sure to say it out loud. Drink.

note: if we actually PLAYED this game, I would be so plastered, I wouldn’t even be able to find this keyboard.

The one Joshua’s co-worker made up:
Listen for each time Jack Bauer says, “Dammit!” Drink.

Another one Joshua and I made up:
Pay attention throughout each episode where dialogue is used to get viewers up to speed. For example: “Nina killed my wife,” OR “I only used heroin to get in with the Salazars.” Dialogue by other people than Jack Bauer is perfectly acceptable. Drink.

Last, but not least:
A CTU staffer takes a barb at another CTU staffer, OR, A CTU staffer is going behind another CTU staffer’s back, OR, a CTU staffer gives shifty looks to another CTU staffer, OR, a CTU staffer becomes a mole. Drink. Drink twice if you called who would be the mole.

Don’t bleach the kitchen counters while wearing your favorite top.

Hello kristen
get rid of that self-esteem once and for all.

That pesky self-esteem - it’s been giving me SO MANY PROBLEMS.

via Nathan, a friend with whom I share an appreciation for kitchen appliances and salting my food. Only he’s way more weird about his salt.

I laughed so hard at this while nursing Killian that milk came out HIS nose. No lie.

via sfgate.

Signed by “God,” the response filed Wednesday argues the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction over God.

Blaming the Almighty for human oppression and suffering misses an important point, it says.

“I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you,” according to the response, as read by Friend.

St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

And people say Christians have no sense of humor.

You heard that Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers has decided to sue God, haven’t you? I know, you think it would be an Onion article, but this guy is for real.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused “fearsome floods … horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes.”

A commenter on a news site said it best: “Where’s God gonna find a lawyer? You know there aren’t any in Heaven…”

Priceless.

Realizing I’m skinnier than Britney Spears.

That deserves a cucpake, ladies and gentlemen.

Brought to you by the VMAs.

“Why does anybody tell a story?” Ms. L’Engle once asked, even though she knew the answer.

“It does indeed have something to do with faith,” she said, “faith that the universe has meaning, that our little human lives are not irrelevant, that what we choose or say or do matters, matters cosmically.”

via The New York Times.