it’s not about you

via.

You know, like this.

Comes with a pic!

…is one of those days where by 11 a.m. I was seriously considering either (a) beginning to drink heavily, or (2) eating us out of chocolate. It’s now after 3 p.m., and the boy is F-I-N-A-L-L-Y taking a nap, and Judah is watching her “horse movie” on the ipod.

She has infused my day with NONSTOP commentary and he has refused to sleep, save for 15 scant minutes at noon (two full hours after his normal nap time). I’m realizing the line between good parenting and bad parenting isn’t the desire to smack your kids upside the head, throw them out the window, or put them on the curb with a “FREE” sign around their necks, but whether or not you can actually keep yourself from doing it. Locking yourself in the bathroom while curled up in the fetal position isn’t really a good solution either, especially when they have access to markers and can pull the trash can over. It’s days like this when I’m glad to be getting know other moms.

(I went to the first meeting of a new mom’s group yesterday, and wanted to offer up a different name, otherwise known as the mom’s or people-who-used-to-have-functioning-brains-til-we-got-knocked-up-and-all-hormonal-and-now-walk-around-with-cracker-glued-to-our-shirts-dear-god-get-me-a-drink” group, but I wasn’t sure if it would go over well. A wee bit long, you think? I don’t know. I kind of like it.)

I’ve begun a new mantra and it goes like this, “You can do it - you’re FOUR now.” “No whining - you’re FOUR now.” How long do you think that will work? Cause so far, not so bad.

We leave in the morning to go to Texas for a family trip to Galveston. I’ve been telling Judah we’re going to the beach (exclamation point) and she is very excited. I don’t think she connects to the fact that we have a beach here we can go to, but oh well. We’re going to be together with my family and celebrate my mom’s life. We used to go to Galveston for family vacations growing up, so it’s rather poignant to be going now. I’m very much looking forward to it, and being on the flip side as a parent this time.

I have a lot of packing to do to get ourselves ready. I’d also like to leave the house relatively clean so it’s nice when we come back Monday night. All I’ve managed to do so far are the dishes. That and eat lunch. And one cupcake. Okay, two. One before lunch and one after. I should get to it while I have a chance.

Judah turned four years old today. I tucked her into bed last night and told her that it was the last night she would be three, and that when she woke up in the morning she would be FOUR. YEARS. OLD. She was very excited.

I woke up at 3:15 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. Realizing I only had a half hour before the time she was born, and that four years ago at this time, I was screaming my lungs out in labor, I thought I’d reminisce a bit.

After she was born and we were about to be discharged from the birth center, I began to panic - we were about to take her home, where there was no midwife, no birth assistants, no one to tell us what to do with this little creature that had popped out of me. It was up to ME to feed her and take care of her, and KEEP HER ALIVE, and I was petrified.

I think we’ve done pretty well so far. I was hoping to post a photo of the day she was born, but we’ve had some trouble locating our 2003 image folder. All the photos are misplaced. Instead, Joshua and I spent about an hour looking at random image previews from her first year of life. Two things came to mind - (1) damn, she was a cute baby, and (2) wow, she is LOVED - loved by many people.

I adjusted well to three - three I was ready for. Four? Um, not so much. See, three is still toddler, still a baby, but FOUR. Well, she might just as much pack her bags cause she’s going off to college next year (all you parents of older children are laughing at me, I know). But FOUR is school age. Four is a child, not a baby, and I’d just like to hold on to three a bit longer. Four is a big girl.

She had better start earning her keep.