it’s not about you

I was at a party last night and was talking with a friend about our babies. She and her husband gave birth to their first baby, a boy, in October, two months after Killian was born. One of the weird things about “parent culture” as I’ll call it, is the inability for parents to be honest about what it’s reallylike to be a parent - the good, the bad, the moist, and the ugly. Like, somehow, if we tell people the truth, they will all stop having children immediately. I don’t understand why it’s this way and I hate that. I want more honesty in my life and from others. This friend gets that, and I’m glad.

Another friend, several weeks back after the birth of her daughter, noted how hard and non-stop this breastfeeding thing is, especially in those first few weeks. My response was along the lines of, “Honey, even if we had told you, you wouldn’t have ever believed us.” It’s a fine line to walk when deciding how much to fill new moms in on - you don’t want to squelch their happiness and hopefulness, but you also don’t want to leave them woefully unprepared for the realities of new parenthood (p.s., labor hurts like hell, worse than hell, actually, but it’s totally doable - good luck).

When I worked at the birth center in Dallas, we would get calls from new moms during their first few days at home with their babies. Once I got a call from a new mom about three days after her birth. She told me that all her baby wanted to do, 24/7, was nurse, and she wanted to know what was wrong. I told her nothing was wrong, that that was exactly what her baby needed to be doing. She didn’t believe me and told me again in a couple of different ways, using different words each time (I guess hoping to get an answer that never came about what was wrong) how as soon as her baby stopped, burped, and slept for a few minutes, baby wanted to eat again. The disbelief in her voice was evident - HOW ON EARTH can something so small eat SO MUCH? Bedrest is there for a reason.

Anyway, this friend at the party and I were talking about our boys and what’s going on with them. Her son has taken recently to the whole, “if momma ain’t holding me, I’m gonna scream my lungs out” phase, which Killian went through a couple a months ago. She and her husband have had a tough time adjusting to life with bebe, and she asked me, while I was taking a sip of wine, “So how is it with two?”

I swallowed, turned to face her completely and said, “Well, I cry at least once a day.” I took another sip. “Usually spontaneously.”

There was a pause, and then we both busted out laughing. Sometimes, it wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t so true. There’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone, and that can help you just get through the day.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 8th, 2007 at 10:31 am and is filed under Body & Soul, Blogworthy, Community, Parenthood. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.