it’s not about you

I slept through the night last night. That means… no pain, no immobility, no getting up at 3:30 to waddle to the bathroom to go pee. I woke up, absolutely amazed, shortly before 7 and dozed, propped up on my pillow tower, in the same exact position I had assumed while falling asleep.

Oh, sweet bliss.

SOMEONE in our neighborhood has a car horn that plays the first few notes of “La Cucaracha” twice. I ONLY hear this horn before 8 a.m. on Saturdays. That thing is LOUD. Every time I hear it, I want to hunt down the idiot who thinks it’s fun to blast that thing that early on a SATURDAY. Have they no respect for anyone else? It’s the weekend, for crying out loud.

Last night, we had to get out the house (today’s expected high - 87 degrees.. expected in-house temp - close to 100) to avoid the grueling apartment heat. Joshua rented the Mini Cooper! and we drove to the Haight and ate at Burger Joint. There’s one here on Valencia, but they’re cash only, and we wanted to get out of the hood for a while. The burgers were good and the milkshakes were amazing, but they were too much. I was still feeling the shake at 11. Not good.

We had planned to go to Golden Gate, but wanted to make sure we could take the car back in time, so we went to Dolores Park instead. We should do that every day. It’s nice. Great view, great playground, lots of space, very relaxing atmosphere. If I could walk the four uphill blocks to get there and then back, I’d take Judah every day. There’s a free concert there at 2 on Sunday. Call us if you’d like to go. We’ll go early and hopefully stake out some shade and eat some lunch.

I watched some people kicking a soccer ball around up in the air. I was shocked that they could move their legs and their bodies like that. Mine feels so rigid all the time, and I have such limited mobility right now, I couldn’t imagine even being able to move that quickly ever again. I told this to Joshua and he assured me that I would, very soon, be able to get around again. I can barely step out of the tub. I can’t reach things. Getting on and off the bed is a circus feat. I can’t even roll over - I have to get Joshua to pick up my butt and move it.

A few days ago, I was talking to him about how I’m looking forward to not being pregnant any more and being able to hold our baby in our arms and get around with him so much easier. With all the issues I’ve faced, we don’t want to get pregnant again, and we were talking about how this would be the last few days of my ever being pregnant. Joshua told me I should savor these days. Savor, my ass. I wanted to hit him in the face.

This is an interesting article about shifting foster care from non-familial homes to those of relatives for the children. There are some interesting critiques of doing this. Anyway, i thought some of my readers might find this interesting, especially Tracey. Love to hear thoughts, as always.

Anyone know what the fireworks display this evening over the bay between here and Oakland was all about? I’m really curious.

This is what happens when you run your hands along the wall in the BART station.

Gross.

Praise Jesus for wipees.

We were hanging out at Golden Gate Park with Adam and Amy on Saturday when this group broke the monotony. They were absolutely gorgeous.

They gave me their card on the way out. I need to find it. I may have to join up with the group after little boy makes his arrival.

This is REALLY cool.

So we haven’t officially outed it on the blog here, but we are having a boy. Yes, a little mini-me for Joshua (although Judah looks enough like him, but prettier…). I get comments on my belly ALL the time from people on the street.

“How much longer?”
“How’d you swallow that bowling ball?” (one part at a time)
“You got a watermelon in there?”
“You’re gonna be a big sister!” (to Judah, of course)
“Is that a boy or a girl?”

The best one is this — EVERY time someone TELLS me what gender baby we’re having, which happens a lot more often than you’d think, they always say matter-of-factly, “You’re having a boy, aren’t you.” I have not had a SINGLE person look at me and say, “You’re having another girl, huh?” Not ONE. Seriously. Lots of people ask what I’m having, but anytime someone tells me, they always say boy. And I’m always standing there wondering how on earth that many people could be right. Maybe all the people who would say girl just haven’t gotten a chance to tell me. Maybe I have just jinxed it and from here on out will be told I’m having a girl. But still, i know it’s a 50/50 chance they’ll get it right, but I’ve been told at least a dozen times. Funny, huh?

So my revelation… In thinking about all the interactions I’ve had with complete strangers initiating conversation about my body, I have not had a single person walk up to me and rub or touch my belly. Even friends have waited for an invitation. I didn’t even realize this wasn’t happening because, well, it wasn’t happening. When I was pregnant with Judah, people would just walk up to me and pat or rub me on the belly. Complete strangers in the grocery store. Little old ladies. Other pregnant women. Sensitive men. Whomever.

And it bugged the shit out of me. What is it that gives people the right to think that just because a woman is pregnant, her body is suddenly open season for unwanted contact, like the President at a G-8 summit? And it’s not like you can say something. Then you’re the pregnant, frigid, bitch-lady.

So I’m glad to not to have to deal with that this time around. Though, I would love to hear personal stories from people about strangers touching your pregnant bellies.

But what I hated even more than the belly touches was when strangers would touch my newborn baby without asking. The mama bear in me would always start to gristle at that, WAAAAY worse than I ever did about my belly. It’s one thing to violate my body, but you cross a line far more volatile and sacred when you touch my baby, and I’m prone to rip your head right off with my teeth. It’s not a pretty sight.

As if babies belong to the community at large, people think they can just reach out and cop a feel. For the most part I don’t mind people grabbing a chubby little fist, or caressing a fat little cheek, or pinching a nubby little toe, so long as they ask me first. Sometimes I really don’t want anyone touching my baby. Sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes baby (or mom) needs a break. If they ask and I don’t want to, I say “I’m sorry, not right now” and it’s never an issue. We’ll see what happens here, as opposed to Dallas.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing? If so, that’s a whole different blog post. Thoughts?

I am officially more pregnant than I have ever been before.

Article One. This is an interview with Ben Barres, a transgender woman-to-man who is a scientist at Stanford. He talks about the discrepancies he has faced as both female and male in the scientific community and the biases that exist there between the sexes. This should get you thinking.

Article Two. A study documents a “ghetto tax” paid by urban poor for services. Very interesting.

No whining from the Texans here. I KNOW, okay? But I have to share this. The whole country has been having a heat wave, and it’s been hot in the city, but not record-breaking.

It has however, been hot enough in our apartment to MELT BUTTER. We leave our butter out in the glass butter dish - we use it most every morning, and I use it often when cooking. Yesterday, I went in the kitchen to start making dinner, picked up the butter, and noticed liquid swimming in the dish, and the entire stick of butter looking awfully sad and defeated. I promptly put it in the fridge.

I wish I had taken a picture of it, but did I mention it’s hot enough in here to melt butter? And that I was about to start cooking? Wasn’t really in the mood for picture-taking.

In other news… we took some prenatal portraits about a week ago. However, in the current state of future employers checking people’s web sites prior to hiring, I thought it wise not to post naked pictures of myself on the internet, just in case I ever want a job. We’re trying to think of some password-protected way for people we know who would like to see them to be able to see them. They’re very cool. We’ll keep you posted.