I’m going a bit crazy. Okay, more than a bit. “Quite” would be the more appropriate word. Maybe I should make a list of the things that are driving me crazy, in no particular order:
1. constant, horrible pubic pain.
2. not being able to get out due to #1.
3. being stuck in the house due to #1.
4. being stuck in a house that isn’t my house.
5. not having a place to live.
5a. because everything is too effing expensive.
5b. because everything is already rented by the time we call.
5c. because the only thing is we can afford is a 300 square foot studio.
5d. with no kitchen.
5e. in the tenderloin.
6. living with three men and their…men-ness.
7. not being able to go get the food I need.
8. not being able to know what the food I need is and communicate that to someone who could go get it.
9. there always being dishes is the sink.
10. the counters and stovetop always being dirty.
11. judah not taking her nap anymore.
12. this kid kicking and pushing against me ALL OF THE TIME. It hurts.
13. not being able to see “down there” anymore.
14. the hours between 2 and 6 p.m.
15. realizing I need/want something and that it’s in the back of the storage unit.
16. maternity clothes.
17. my hair.
18. knowing my presumptive eligibility for Medi-cal runs out at the end of them month and not knowing what my application status is.
19. the fact that my case worker isn’t returning my phone calls.
20. the fact that I really, really don’t like my midwife.
21. the fact that I really, really don’t like the birth center.
22. the fact that I cry every time I leave #20 and #21.
23. two-hour prenatal appointments that are a waste of my time and don’t get anything accomplished.
24. being worried that this baby will go preterm.
25. being worried that if we get denied for Medi-cal, I might not be able to appeal in time.
27. worrying about how much it costs to have a baby.
28. because I broke down and cried uncontrollably during a tour at the midwifery practice i want to transfer to.
28a. in front of the midwife.
28b. because I can’t do any paperwork or financial stuff til Tuesday.
28c. and cause that’s a stupid reason to cry.
28d. oh, and because I don’t want to do group appointments.
28e. or have the required birth coach at home.
28f. and I don’t want those things to keep me from transferring my care.
28g. and cause when I got there, Judah had pooped all over herself. ALL OVER.
28h. and her clothes.
28i. and I had to actually give her a bath standing up in a sink in the office.
28j. she pooped four times yesterday. they were all kinda like that.
29. because if I can’t transfer out of my current practice, I’m going to stop getting prenatal care and just have the baby at home by myself and just go to the hospital so they can check me and the baby afterwards and I know that’s all really not a smart thing to do but hey, if women in africa can have babies by themselves in a hut, surely a woman in a country as developed as ours can do it by herself too.
30. knowing #29 is really dumb but feeling that desperate anyway.
31. missing my friends and family.
Praying through your list and for you. We love you and miss you too. Just think August is just a couple of months away.
i love you, sister!
awwww, dude. i was so emotionless. . . .until i got pregnant. and then the smallest things would make me cry and a list like yours would have me shouting obscenities out the window to strangers and then holing up in a closet with a tv and some tea.
hugs from dallas.
praying for you.
who says I’m not shouting obscenities out the window to strangers? : ) I can’t really hole up in my closet, but I do hole up in my room with my laptop. no tea though.
if you would like (or need) company of the female sort, give me a call. i am more than happy to come over and bring anything you would like.
Being pregnant sucks doesn’t it? I keep trying to tell evryone around me and they laugh like I am trying to be funny…Odd because I was getting ready to put up my own gripe list… being in a house with 7 screaming children, no bed at all to sleep on, all of my hip bones moving in uncomfortable directions, clothes don’t fit, oh yeah I live on a rural island full of sheep…well at the least I know I am not alone. No it is still way better than Texas though…right? I think so… keep at it sista!!!
omg-parallel universes.
thinking of you, j, j, and bump while similarly trapped indoors, but for genderally different reasons, in marin …
brad
sorry darling! what a crummy list. tough to know how to deal with that level of stress. hard to keep in mind that everything will some way work out. but i have faith that between you, joshua, and God, everything will be fine. we love you and are praying for you, all across the country. we are hoping to be able to come visit in the summer, and give you backrubs and wash your dishes. would that be ok, if we can swing it? don’t want to be in the way, but would love to see you three (and a half).
Man, I’m broken for you guys!
Listen, if you want to come back to Dallas…you are welcome to crash at my house.
But please know that you do have friends! And I will be praying for you all night and day.
We love you. I know Dallas has enormous amounts of suckage, but right now I wish I could just transport you back here so we could feed you and wash your dishes and generally wait on you hand and foot. We’re doing the 24-hour-prayer thing starting at midnight,so know you will be lifted up. And dammit, Bump, just chill already–YOu have lots more ways to drive her crazy once you’re out of the womb!