My friend Becky, who, to my knowledge doesn’t have a blog, called yesterday. She’s been trying to get hold of me for a couple of weeks now. The thought that I was avoiding her crossed her mind, but she checked my blog. She (a) knows I’m pregnant and (b) saw the lack of frequent posting. Becky put a and b together and figured out I must really be having it bad.
And I am. Could I feel sicker? As of yesterday, I am no longer eating sharp cheddar. Figure it out. If I haven’t posted, it’s because I am trying to spend as much time as possible laying down, doing nothing, and hopefully sleeping. I come home from work, put Judah down for a nap, try to eat something and lay down myself. When she wakes up, I do what I can to convince her to lay down with me in bed, watch a movie, read a book, play quietly, until that blessed moment when Joshua comes home from work and he can take care of me.
I feel useless, worthless for nothing except growing this fetus inside me. I’m beginning to blame Joshua (”This is all your fault.” “You did this to me.” “Damn your seed.”). That sort of thing.
So what I’m trying to say is, if I haven’t called you, if I haven’t e-mailed you back, if I haven’t hung out with you, if I’ve turned down plans, or haven’t blogged, it’s nothing against you. Don’t take it personally. I feel like hell. Give me a break. And if you’d like to bring dinner over one night, call me, cause that would be fine with me. I can’t open the fridge without holding my breath right now, and if I cook it, I usually can’t eat it. And sometimes I can’t eat it anyway.
i’m sorry that you’re feeling miserable lately. I hope that it doesn’t endure for nine months. If it’s any cosmetological condolence, i think you make a fine looking pregnant woman!
Hey Kristen,
I am glad you are still there. Hang in there, I wish I could bring you dinner.