it’s not about you

This is what makes me cry.

In Mississippi, for example, Gulfport was virtually gone, and Biloxi was severely damaged.

via the New York Times. Also read here. And here.

The Sun Herald is blogging here, when they can. Their front page is here.

I’m having a really hard time with this.

I’m quite…

Well, shit. I don’t know what I am. I want to say blown away, but I don’t want to enter into horrible pun-land. I’m taken aback. Amazed. Devastated. Saddened. Whatever.

I used to live in Biloxi. I can’t believe how bad the damage is. Places I know, that I used to hang out, at are gone. GONE. As in, not there anymore. The Olive Garden that was on the corner I used to hang a right on to get to work at Beach Blvd and DeBuys, it’s gone. So’s the McDonalds, the Village Sports Pub, where we all used to go every weekend and sometimes after work. GONE. So is most of the strip center. Bridges connecting cities are gone, totally demolished. The Grand Casino in Biloxi is washed across 90. Treasure Bay’s pirate ship is beached. A barge from one of the casinos in Gulfport pivoted around the casino and is sitting ON Beach Blvd. The flags dividing Biloxi and Gulfport that waved on the beach are completely gone. An entire apartment building is gone, two churches - gone. Three of four walls at one school collapsed. Roofs ripped off of fire departments, a courthouse wall collapsed. Pretty much everything along 90, which is Beach Blvd., is destroyed.

I’m afraid the house I used to live in is destroyed, but there’s no way to know - it was only two blocks off the beach. My friend Jamie, who used to be my roommate and now lives in Gulfport is OK, but he’s afraid he might not have a house left - he lived near a river. The paper wasn’t that far from the beach, and I’m wondering what damage it sustained.

The Sun Herald has a blog, eyes on katrina, if you’re interested.

If you’re the praying sort, please pray for the people in the area. Thanks.

Okay, so I really don’t want to talk about this, mostly because it’s personally embarassing, but I am proud to say:

I got Judah, my un-potty-trained daughter, to successfully pee in a cup.

We had a garage sale on Saturday here at the Swiss house. Joshua and I didn’t find out about it until Friday morning. We sold our TV and stand, VCR, DVD, ktichen table and chairs, washer, dryer, day bed, bachelor’s chest, coffee table, one end table, and several miscellaneous items. We cleaned up at least enough to pay next month’s rent.

Joshua and I spent some quality time at the storage unit, cleaning it out of dead cricket parts and sorting through what to keep, toss, sell, and put in the garage apartment (by the way, we got the go ahead to stay here indefinitely, as the community house is not going to work out at this time - more on all that later).

After all that, we went and got a Coke, and sat in the storage parking lot, waiting for Curran and Mark to get there with the truck, surveying all the stuff we were planning on selling. Joshua asked me if I was ready to do this, to sell all those things. I said yeah, but it’s hard for me. Then I started to cry.

I didn’t expect that part. The thing is, I’ve had a lot of that stuff since I was a kid. I got my bedroom furniture when I was 10. It is really nice furniture, and my parents bought it for me to last me into my adulthood. And it has. It’s very hard to let that go.

I’ve had my daybed since I was 11. I was saving up for it (it cost $500!) and my mom and I had picked out the one I wanted, along with the sheets, cover, and shams (everything was green). I was saving my allowance and anything I got from the family I babysat for. I was a runner for our church’s annual Passion Play that year. I came home from rehearsal one night, walked into my bedroom, and there it was - my daybed I had been saving for, with all the covers and shams and everything I had picked out, and all my stuffed animals on it. My parents had bought it as a surprise, knowing how bad I had wanted it and how long it would take me to save my allowance in order to get it. I have the Polaroids they took, showing my mouth hanging open.

Yeah, so it’s hard to sell that bed. I have a lot of memories attached to those things. Most of my formative years have memories associated with them. They are also links to my mom - things I have in my life from when she was alive.

A lot of the stuff was from when Joshua and I first got married, so they have sentimental value. Apart from my bedroom furniture, we didn’t have anything when we got married. Joshua said he doesn’t have deep attachments like that to our stuff. Writing about it now sounds stupid, but I do have those attachments. I don’t, however, overly place value on possessions. I’m glad to sell all this stuff. It’s freeing. It is more economical to sell it now than continue to pay for storage and moving later.

So I’m happy with the decision we made. We have many new memories to make, regardless of possessions.

talked to several people who lurk around on our blog, but haven’t talked to in a while. it’s good to know i’m still read. i appreciate your care. sending love to you all. makes me feel accountable to continue posting. had the thought the other day to just delete the whole fucking thing, kind of like i did to my flickr account this week when i got pissed off at it (but that’s a whole ‘nuther blog post right there). but there’s too much stuff written on here that i wouldn’t remember happening if it wasn’t written on here. ya know? i wouldn’t want to miss that.

you probably won’t see joshua on here much longer. or me, for that matter. we’re getting a blog divorce. isn’t it sad? not sure if joshua is ready for me to out his new site yet, so i won’t. rearviewwindow is supposed to turn into my photography site, but i’m thinking about tanking the whole thing. it’s been a shitty few days. maybe i’ll feel better in a few more.

i have the thought that i would like to design my new blog myself, but really, who am i kidding? joshua’s been bugging me for a domain name. we already own, like, a dozen friggin’ domain names, not that i’m telling YOU what they are. so I’m trying to decide if I want yet ANOTHER domain name. it’s like having to get a new freaking e-mail address constantly. part of my flickr problem, if you must know.

i have these different things i want to do with these different sites, but haven’t a clue how to do it. that requires time, energy, a lot of coffee, and knowledge that, let’s face it, i just don’t have.

speaking of, i’m wiped, and i’m going to bed. thanks for listening.

been having some really freaky dreams. including one last night where a father and his baby girl died in a car accident. what is going on in my head. other freaky stuff has been coming to surface in my subconscious, not to mention my concsious. i should start taking notes. they’ll be great nanowrimo fodder. as if i have time. sheesh.

via the NewYork Times:

In the United States, said Trevor Hughes, executive director of the International Association of Privacy Professionals, debates over the privacy of personal data generally occurs piecemeal, when a particular abuse causes harm. “In Europe, ” Mr. Hughes said. “data is just protected because it is data - information about you.”

So THAT’s what he does for a living…

I’m sure our readership has gone down to the lack of posting by Joshua and due to my infrequent, irritated rambling. Sorry about that. It just seems like a lot of sucky things have been happening. But they have been happening in the midst of a lot of really good things too. And I’ve made a decision. After reading Janiece’s blog, and Erika’s blog, I’ve realized that, yes, crappy, shitty things (some quite literal in the world of toddlerdom) will happen, but I can give control of my responses to what happens in my life over to God.

I haven’t liked the way I’ve been feeling lately, and I do feel, as shn said, like a character in Karma Incorporated, bad things constantly happening. Three days ago, I was on my way into the bathroom, and I can’t quite explain how, but I kicked the door with my foot, and I think I have a hairline fracture. That might explain why my foot turned green and purple and is swollen. It feels better, though it still hurts.

I can choose to be all upset about it (one MORE thing!!!), but I have chosen not to. I am choosing to give thanks in all circumstances, to be content with where I am and what happens, to be joyful and give glory to God for the things that take place in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for, including God’s presence in my life, so I am choosing to celebrate those good things.

Shitty stuff, it’s going to happen, that’s a part of life, but I’m not going to let those things define who I am. I am going to stop waiting for 2006 to be a better year and start choosing to have a better perspective on my life now. Not to say I’m not going to acknowledge those downsides, but that my life is defined by more than those things.

I hope that makes sense.

So Joshua just got us tickets to Gwen Stefani. I’ve never paid so much for concert tickets in my life. Two words - Merry Christmas.