I stayed up to watch SNL last night, something I never do. Ashlee Simpson was the musical guest. Now I have to start by saying Ashlee Simpson is a total poser. Her sister, however can sing. Not that she sings anything worth listening to, but she does have a voice. Ashlee sings about as well as the average person, which is not a problem, unless you get a recording contract based solely on your last name.
Back when we had cable, I watched two episodes of her MTV show. One of those episodes was of her in the recording studio, trying to record one song with great amounts of effort. God knows how many times they recorded that song just so they could get a mix of her singing on key that they could put down on their digital tape. We have some friends who were signed with Geffen, Ashlee’s label, last year. Geffen told this amazing band that the label didn’t have time to devote to them since they acquired MCA recently. Our friends got their album back and have gone on to write some profound lyrics and incredible music. Geffen doesn’t have time to waste on bands that have talent when they’re babysitting the no-talent hacks like Ashlee Simpson that the label spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on. It’s just proof that they don’t care about good music, just making a buck. Ashlee will bring in millions, thanks to a largely teenybopper listening audience.
She did her first song, and it was dead obvious that she was lip-synching to a track. I’m sure lots of artists sing to tracks of themselves to help boost the volume, but this was just sad. I had wondered how she was going to pull off concerts with her mediocre voice. I should have known she was going to Milli Vanilli it.
Joshua has just gone to bed when Ashlee was preparing to to do her second song. The music started, as did the track, of her singing the first song again. Someone either forgot to switch CD’s, or got stoned and thought they’d have a good laugh. Ashlee had put the mike up to her mouth, and when the vocals started, she whipped around looking for what had gone wrong, the track kept going and there she stood, mike lowered, looking bewildered, like the emperor when he realizes he doesn’t have on any clothes. She did a little vaudeville dance and just stood there as her band played around her, obviously waiting for the sound guys to start over. The band kept playing and Ashlee skipped off stage.
I’m sure she was embarrassed. But this is show business, and you don’t just walk off stage because things didn’t go the way you plan. You suck it up. You stand there and do your thing. You sing, wrong prerecorded track and all. If you can’t do that, you don’t deserve to be in the business.
Somebody please tell Ashlee that I’m sure she’s a cool girl and all, but to please try something that’s more true to who she is, at least until she gets some voice and showbiz lessons. She can come back when she can pull it off by herself. When she can stand on a stage and belt out her own lyrics with a strong, sure-of-herself voice, then she can come back and put out albums. When that day comes (and i’m sure it will be the day pigs fly over a frozen hell), I promise to buy one of her CD’s.
